So for the most part, I have minimal problems making decisions, but I’m realizing… sometimes, it just feels so good to explain your situation to someone and get their opinion, which will either affirm that you are right, or challenge you and help you realize where you are not right.
In this revelation, however, I become more and more jealous of people who have significant others [sigh]. Not that significant others are like, the answer to all the problems, but… to be working as a team and for him/her to know you and know what your goals are and to assist you in making the best decisions… [shrug] that would be helpful sometimes!... that would be helpful a LOT of times! Especially with crazy big decisions which you will be paying off for years [literally and/or figuratively]!
For those that don’t know, I’m in the market for a new car. And I think I figured out exactly what I want, but I find myself desperately wanting help in the actual DOING it. Like, getting the price that I want [which… what is the price I want anyway? (shrug)] I feel like I have been good at doing the research and whatnot for the car I want… but man, I just want help now! I want someone else to tell me “you should ask for this much below sticker”…. No, that’s a lie. What I really want is a guy to magically show up and say “Maike, let me do this for you. I’ll do all the talking and get you the best deal and exactly what you want, you sit there and sign the papers and I’ll take care of you.” Why can’t that happen!?
Earlier I was thinking about how, if I’m being completely honest, although I desperately want a dog, I’m not quite sure if I’m ready to make the sort of sacrifices you have to in order to have a good/happy dog [shrug]. And then I started thinking about guys, and how it’s in some ways similar. I’m not sure I’m ready to make the sacrifices needed for a GOOD relationship. I would love to be in one now, but… [shrug]… you do have to be at least a little sacrificial when you get into a relationship!
But I wonder… are we ever really ready? And how much of me saying that I’m not really ready is because I’m trying to make myself feel better for not having a significant guy in my life yet? In some ways I think I might be trying to convince the people around me that I’m not single because there is something wrong with me but rather, I am not single by CHOICE.. because I’m not “ready”…. [laugh]. Now I think I’m just talking in circles. But I wonder. [nod]. [shrug]. I’ve been thinking a lot about that sort of thing lately. The feelings and how things work out and where you have to be in life for them to work out the best.. and is there right and wrong when it comes to that stuff, and can you develop a strong relationship built on chemistry or does the foundation have to be something more concrete?... hmmm.. [shrug]. I have no answers. Someday perhaps. Until then, I will continue to speculate and hypothesize [smile].
That’s all I have for right now… the jeep is dead at the moment. I’m praying that it is the stupid battery [‘cause that, at least, is under warranty]… but if it’s the alternator, I just hope that I can get it fixed asap for cheap [sigh]. Stupid adult problems that I have to fix by myself! [sigh again]….
Oh well [rolls eyes]. Who knew being an adult was so difficult!? When I was little, I pictured something completely different. I imagined myself graduating High School, NOT going to college [“what a waste of time! I could be making $$ instead!” (silly elementary-Maike)], getting a great job doing who knows what [that might not have even entered my fairytail, actually, I might have gone straight from high school to getting married!]. Finding Mr. Right immediately [after, of course, dating a trillion good looking guys in high school, because what else do you do in high school?]. Driving a pink convertible [just like Barbie], and living in Hawaii with my best friend in an 8 story building where the first floor was completely inhabited by our pet dogs [I’m not sure where I left the husband… on the mainland to make our money (shrug)].
[shakes head]. There are many times where I really wish my dreamed up adulthood could be true, because of all the details I missed: bills, decisions, emotions, challenges, etc…. But when it comes down to it… this life… this semi-adulthood that I’m living right now… even with the challenges, I wouldn’t change it at all. I’m living, I’m learning, I’m growing, and although it sometimes stresses me out, and makes me miserable, I love it.
Anyway [smile]. That’s all for tonight. Perhaps later this week I will once again be inspired to write on the blog [we’ll see what kind of other tasks I’m avoiding throughout the week (smile)].
<><,
*maike rinaye*
ps: I'm gonig to Egypt after Christmas, how awesome is that?! And I get to meet up with Juilanne! ALSO fantastic [smile]. i'm one lucky girl... [nod]... I realize.
1 comment:
there are days when adulthood sucks. there are days when adulthood rocks. in the end, we can't be six again. and my mom always says, you can't have sex when you're six (this mataphor probably doesn't work as well for a not married adult... but in theory). so some advantages outweigh the disadvantages (like buying a car, :p on big decisions and loans).
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