The perfect boy? Damn, we all know the perfect boy or the perfect girl does not exist. But if he did, for me, he’s a mix of boy 1 and 2. I find myself continually going after the boy 2’s… and they continually let me down. But dang it all, the boy 1’s are so hard to find [I’m convinced that like, 90% of these boys were snatched up while we were in college by the husband-hunters]. Then, if you do somehow end up with a boy 1, they are difficult to read. You can’t tell if boy 1 really thinks that you are an awesome time, he’s so busy playing by the rules, and giving you space so that if you do reject him, he can still hold his head high. The boy 2’s give you instant gratification. They tell you that you are beautiful, and they’re not afraid of starting something they can’t finish… they do that all the freakin time! [smile]. Oh the good guys though.. they are slow, and difficult to understand, but they are genuine. And they want to protect you, not in the macho “I-am-He-man” sort of way, but in the “Your heart and your feelings are important. I don’t want to get you off track with what your goals are”.
In the end, I need a guy who is going to protect me when I can’t protect myself. And a guy who is going to make decisions based on the future. As far as relationships go, that’s what I want. I want to look towards the future, and I do look towards the future… but I don’t want to be the only one that’s looking, planning and thinking about it. In some ways, I am the Girl 2 [if we apply it to females]. I moved away from my family because I can do it by myself, I make irrational decisions and carpe the diem! I don’t always think about the consequences until I have to figure out damage control. But in other ways, I am totally the Girl 1. I’m a planner, I look at the future, I make goals, I achieve goals, I know what I am doing this Friday night. And although I love risks, I am sometimes very afraid of failing, even though I know I have to risk it in order to be true to me.
The search for the perfect boy continues.
I wish it was black and white…. I can’t just call Boy 1 the good one that we should all be searching for, and I can’t call Boy 2 the bad one and the one to stay away from. That would be ridiculous… [although I realize that is what I lean towards in this post and last]. There are to many layers of grey to a person. There are to many other elements that matter in a relationship besides the things I’ve listed here. And I know that, but sometimes… I crave the black and white, just so that I can know which I need to hold at arms length because in the end they might be bad for me… stupid, because either could easily be bad for me… likewise either could be really good to me. The façade and who they appear to be, is not always truth. Hmmm… screw black and white… what I really want is a neon sign above their heads that just tells me ‘this guy is good for you!’ or ‘no, not a good match’.
That would be ideal [smile].
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