Saturday, December 22, 2007
wow...
Less than a week, and I will be walking on Egyptian land... yikes! How exciting... That's all [smile].
Monday, December 10, 2007
Part 2 -perfection?... doubtful
The perfect boy? Damn, we all know the perfect boy or the perfect girl does not exist. But if he did, for me, he’s a mix of boy 1 and 2. I find myself continually going after the boy 2’s… and they continually let me down. But dang it all, the boy 1’s are so hard to find [I’m convinced that like, 90% of these boys were snatched up while we were in college by the husband-hunters]. Then, if you do somehow end up with a boy 1, they are difficult to read. You can’t tell if boy 1 really thinks that you are an awesome time, he’s so busy playing by the rules, and giving you space so that if you do reject him, he can still hold his head high. The boy 2’s give you instant gratification. They tell you that you are beautiful, and they’re not afraid of starting something they can’t finish… they do that all the freakin time! [smile]. Oh the good guys though.. they are slow, and difficult to understand, but they are genuine. And they want to protect you, not in the macho “I-am-He-man” sort of way, but in the “Your heart and your feelings are important. I don’t want to get you off track with what your goals are”.
In the end, I need a guy who is going to protect me when I can’t protect myself. And a guy who is going to make decisions based on the future. As far as relationships go, that’s what I want. I want to look towards the future, and I do look towards the future… but I don’t want to be the only one that’s looking, planning and thinking about it. In some ways, I am the Girl 2 [if we apply it to females]. I moved away from my family because I can do it by myself, I make irrational decisions and carpe the diem! I don’t always think about the consequences until I have to figure out damage control. But in other ways, I am totally the Girl 1. I’m a planner, I look at the future, I make goals, I achieve goals, I know what I am doing this Friday night. And although I love risks, I am sometimes very afraid of failing, even though I know I have to risk it in order to be true to me.
The search for the perfect boy continues.
I wish it was black and white…. I can’t just call Boy 1 the good one that we should all be searching for, and I can’t call Boy 2 the bad one and the one to stay away from. That would be ridiculous… [although I realize that is what I lean towards in this post and last]. There are to many layers of grey to a person. There are to many other elements that matter in a relationship besides the things I’ve listed here. And I know that, but sometimes… I crave the black and white, just so that I can know which I need to hold at arms length because in the end they might be bad for me… stupid, because either could easily be bad for me… likewise either could be really good to me. The façade and who they appear to be, is not always truth. Hmmm… screw black and white… what I really want is a neon sign above their heads that just tells me ‘this guy is good for you!’ or ‘no, not a good match’.
That would be ideal [smile].
In the end, I need a guy who is going to protect me when I can’t protect myself. And a guy who is going to make decisions based on the future. As far as relationships go, that’s what I want. I want to look towards the future, and I do look towards the future… but I don’t want to be the only one that’s looking, planning and thinking about it. In some ways, I am the Girl 2 [if we apply it to females]. I moved away from my family because I can do it by myself, I make irrational decisions and carpe the diem! I don’t always think about the consequences until I have to figure out damage control. But in other ways, I am totally the Girl 1. I’m a planner, I look at the future, I make goals, I achieve goals, I know what I am doing this Friday night. And although I love risks, I am sometimes very afraid of failing, even though I know I have to risk it in order to be true to me.
The search for the perfect boy continues.
I wish it was black and white…. I can’t just call Boy 1 the good one that we should all be searching for, and I can’t call Boy 2 the bad one and the one to stay away from. That would be ridiculous… [although I realize that is what I lean towards in this post and last]. There are to many layers of grey to a person. There are to many other elements that matter in a relationship besides the things I’ve listed here. And I know that, but sometimes… I crave the black and white, just so that I can know which I need to hold at arms length because in the end they might be bad for me… stupid, because either could easily be bad for me… likewise either could be really good to me. The façade and who they appear to be, is not always truth. Hmmm… screw black and white… what I really want is a neon sign above their heads that just tells me ‘this guy is good for you!’ or ‘no, not a good match’.
That would be ideal [smile].
Part 1 on Theorizing About Boys…
I’ve been thinking a lot about boys, and theorizing [smile]. Because that’s what I love to waste my time doing, and if I find people to theorize with me, and delve into attempting to understand the human mind, particularly the male mind, then I thrive on analyzing and conjecturizing why we do the things we do.
Most recently, I have decided that there is a foundational difference between the smart guys and the… well, I don’t want to say ‘stupid’ boys, because really, that can apply to all boys, but more the… well, the less educated, less driven to succeed, less goal oriented, and less motivated men in the world… I think that about covers it.
The first group of guys… which I refer to as the ‘smart’ guys are the guys with the education, and the good job. The boys that are financially secure, and the boys who make decisions not based on how they FEEL, or what looks good right now, but rather on what will be the lasting results of their decisions. Now, granted, they are still boys, and humans, so they are still allowed to make irrational decisions, but in general… their decisions are calculated on what they will gain and what they will lose and if the risk is worth it. Additionally, they don’t really explore areas, which they could possibly fail at. They stay in the safe zone. They take the jobs where they will thrive and appear to be the big shot in the office. They don’t take the risk of applying for the job they are under-qualified for, and they stay near their family because it’s safe there, and if the rest of the world is giving them the finger, they will always be able to find support through their family.
Now the second group of guys… the opposite of the ‘smart’ guys. They move away from their family, not necessarily because they don’t like their family, but they have the need to do things on their own, even if it means that they move to a different city with no money and huge credit card debt. These boys never truly finish anything; from, completing a drawing, saving money to purchase a car, taking planned out trips… they have ideas where “Yeah, that’d be kinda cool” but there’s never any follow through. These boys are last minute, they have no idea on Tuesday what their plans will be for Friday or Saturday, and if you try to suggest making plans, they will often counter with “Well, why don’t we just see what we feel like when we get to Friday”. They apply for jobs that they could really suck at, or have no experience in whatsoever. They take chances, and are not afraid to be at the bottom of the totem pole. They don’t attempt to live up to anyone’s expectations but their own. And their own expectations are pretty low: get to work everyday [not necessarily on time], remember to pay the bills, meet up with so-and-so at the gym to make our muscles bigger and better.
Now here is where my theorizing comes in… when it comes to girls, these two different kinds of guys are, obviously, so different. The thing is though, that we girls, would like to mesh the two together.
For example, the ‘smart’ boys will only ask a girl out if he already knows she will say yes. He’s petrified of a blind date. Boy 2 thinks a blind date is thrilling and would break all the rules and call the girl up the day he’d like to meet up with her to see if she’d like to hang out and do something. And, if he saw a girl that was cute, he would ask for her number and see if she wanted to get something to drink… no reservations at all. Boy 1 would try to become friends with the girl first, and never ask her out the first time he met her. This is where that whole vision comes in; boy 1 [smart boy], does almost everything right now, for what is to be in the future, he’s not going to go out with a girl if he doesn’t think it has a chance to work, or if logistically it doesn’t seem possible [distance, schedules, life goals, etc.], boy 2, however, sees things in the here and now… and maybe later tonight [smile]. He’s thinking “this girl is hot, and if I can make-out with her tonight, score!” The thought of tomorrow morning does not even occur to him.
--so this is the beginning more to come later--
Most recently, I have decided that there is a foundational difference between the smart guys and the… well, I don’t want to say ‘stupid’ boys, because really, that can apply to all boys, but more the… well, the less educated, less driven to succeed, less goal oriented, and less motivated men in the world… I think that about covers it.
The first group of guys… which I refer to as the ‘smart’ guys are the guys with the education, and the good job. The boys that are financially secure, and the boys who make decisions not based on how they FEEL, or what looks good right now, but rather on what will be the lasting results of their decisions. Now, granted, they are still boys, and humans, so they are still allowed to make irrational decisions, but in general… their decisions are calculated on what they will gain and what they will lose and if the risk is worth it. Additionally, they don’t really explore areas, which they could possibly fail at. They stay in the safe zone. They take the jobs where they will thrive and appear to be the big shot in the office. They don’t take the risk of applying for the job they are under-qualified for, and they stay near their family because it’s safe there, and if the rest of the world is giving them the finger, they will always be able to find support through their family.
Now the second group of guys… the opposite of the ‘smart’ guys. They move away from their family, not necessarily because they don’t like their family, but they have the need to do things on their own, even if it means that they move to a different city with no money and huge credit card debt. These boys never truly finish anything; from, completing a drawing, saving money to purchase a car, taking planned out trips… they have ideas where “Yeah, that’d be kinda cool” but there’s never any follow through. These boys are last minute, they have no idea on Tuesday what their plans will be for Friday or Saturday, and if you try to suggest making plans, they will often counter with “Well, why don’t we just see what we feel like when we get to Friday”. They apply for jobs that they could really suck at, or have no experience in whatsoever. They take chances, and are not afraid to be at the bottom of the totem pole. They don’t attempt to live up to anyone’s expectations but their own. And their own expectations are pretty low: get to work everyday [not necessarily on time], remember to pay the bills, meet up with so-and-so at the gym to make our muscles bigger and better.
Now here is where my theorizing comes in… when it comes to girls, these two different kinds of guys are, obviously, so different. The thing is though, that we girls, would like to mesh the two together.
For example, the ‘smart’ boys will only ask a girl out if he already knows she will say yes. He’s petrified of a blind date. Boy 2 thinks a blind date is thrilling and would break all the rules and call the girl up the day he’d like to meet up with her to see if she’d like to hang out and do something. And, if he saw a girl that was cute, he would ask for her number and see if she wanted to get something to drink… no reservations at all. Boy 1 would try to become friends with the girl first, and never ask her out the first time he met her. This is where that whole vision comes in; boy 1 [smart boy], does almost everything right now, for what is to be in the future, he’s not going to go out with a girl if he doesn’t think it has a chance to work, or if logistically it doesn’t seem possible [distance, schedules, life goals, etc.], boy 2, however, sees things in the here and now… and maybe later tonight [smile]. He’s thinking “this girl is hot, and if I can make-out with her tonight, score!” The thought of tomorrow morning does not even occur to him.
--so this is the beginning more to come later--
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