Man, I don’t even know how to start the freakin blog anymore [smile]. But I guess that I’ll just bust up into what is actually going on.
I’M IN INDY! Woo Hoo! [for the most part anyway].
I am confident that God has amazing things planned for this period in my life, I know he does….but trusting him and having faith that he’s going to come through…man, so much harder to do than to say.
So I desperately want to work with a photographer… and two months ago, I thought this was entirely possible, and that if I trusted in God he would provide for me. But get this, I get here, call a few photographers in town, e-mail my resume out…and then go talk to this particular photographer, Karen. Which is great, her work is awesome and she has a few events that she’ll need an assistant photographer for in September. But in talking with her, like, my hopes for that photographer position are mostly shattered ☹. She tells me that in the last ten years sales have decreased like crazy. 5 years ago she was shooting 140 weddings a year. This year she has 35 on the books. How crazy! Anyway, after a few days of moping around and asking God what the hell I was supposed to do now, I’ve finally been able to push forward. But man, it’s so hard. Like that pushing part. I know who I am and that if I get a job I will rock it….but that whole getting a job thing…like, the career counselor at Drury said that 90% of jobs are not listed….then how are you supposed to find these jobs? [sigh]. So, I have resorted to the classified ads, and some employment magazine. It would be a bit different if I had the connections, but I don’t….so I feel so out on a limb here.
Anyway, I’ve been dealing with that like mad. And I know deep down that God is absolutely going to put me in the right place, but waiting is so cruel.
On the up side…all this uncertainty has definitely improved my prayer life. My God is amazing, and I know it, but it is truly in these moments where I am being carried and letting Him walk for me that I realize just how much I need Him. I had two great conversations tonight…..and the whole thing where you know you have to let go of things in order to really feel God and his massive amount of love…man that’s tough, but so rewarding. And it’s all sorts of things that you have to give up….sometimes it’s old friends that are unintentionally holding you back from where God wants you to be, and sometimes it’s your fears, sometimes it’s a romance, sometimes its comfortability and sometimes it’s giving up the power and control that we all feel like we need in our lives.
But I can’t help but think that when we do that to glorify God, that he’s going to see that and reward us for doing the right thing.
Man [smile]…life, huh? I know I just have to plug my nose, hold on to my top and jump in…but it’s still nerve-wracking. I’m going in to see a chiropractor tomorrow and fill out an application to be an assistant. I think it would be awesome, and it’s closer to us [like 15 min. away…how awesome would that be]. I’ve just got to shine and be all what God has let me become.
And lastly this:
“Consider it pure JOY my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be MATURE and COMPLETE, not lacking anything.”
-James 1:2-4
So here I am….joyful and desiring that place where I am found mature and complete in God.
<><,
*maike rinaye*
No comments:
Post a Comment